I’m with him. I’m just here to support my husband. I came with my husband. No, I don’t have anything to say.
The first AA meeting I went to with my husband…January 2012 I believe. It was an open meeting and hubby asked me to go and, being the supportive wife I was determined to be, I went. I can’t say I went happily. Well. I hoped it would happily satisfy hubby for me to go one time and be done. After all, this was his thing, not mine. I certainly didn’t need to hang out with a bunch of recovering alcoholics on a Saturday morning. Besides, that was my one day to sleep in. Why did I have to go?
So I went a few times. I won’t repeat the thoughts that went through my mind every week. They weren’t nice. Or supportive. I may have had thoughts like a pouty child on a few occasions.
And we went to our church’s recovery Sunday school class. Sometimes I went alone, but usually hubby was there too. But again, I’m with him. I’m good. Nothing to look at here folks, just move along to him please.
I had no issues. All of my problems would be solved as long as he didn’t drink. I have nothing to talk through, work through, recover from…Nope, I’m just here with him.
And, seriously, do you guys have to label everyone? I can have quirks I need to fix without the co-dependent label. And um. No. Don’t even get close to me with that “enabler” label. I don’t need a label. And I definitely don’t need anyone calling me out on anything I may (possibly) need to work on. We are here for him. NOT ME!!!
Then comes Celebrate Recovery meetings. Wait. That’s funny. You want me to go where on a Friday night? And bring the kids. HA! Nope. I’m good. But you should go. Yeah, you need to be there. But not me. I’m good.
Fast forward…maybe 5 months into sobriety. We’re seeing a pastor (a true God-send) every other week or so. Things are not better. Hubby’s not drinking, but things are definitely not like they should be. The deal was, hubby stops drinking, everything is good and everyone is happy and we all live happily. Ever. After. No. Seriously. That’s the deal. Life has sucked for long enough. I didn’t go through all this to not get the fairy tale ending. He stopped drinking. Why isn’t everything better?!?!?!
Wait. You were serious about me needing to deal with my stuff? This co-dependent thing may (possibly) be for real? They weren’t just trying to “label” me? Huh. Ok. Um. I guess I can try this whole recovery thing. I mean, it can’t get worse right?
So. I tried it. I admitted. To God, to myself, and to another person. That I, too, am helpless. I can’t do this on my own. I need recovery just as much—more???—than my husband. I have habits, hurts and hang ups to work through. I have years of them.
There’s this secret you see. This secret that everyone should hear. Are you ready? Are you listening?
The twelve steps of AA and the eight principles of CR aren’t just for addicts. (GASP) What?!?!?! No. Seriously. Listen. It’s about living life. The right way. Not doing life on your own. It’s about admitting your wrongs and your faults and making amends to those you have hurt. We teach our kids to say sorry, right? It’s hard for them to admit they’ve hurt someone sometimes isn’t it? But we teach them to do it because its the right thing to do. We teach them to rely on God, not themselves. We teach them to daily walk with God and share what He has done for them. That’s it! Those are the steps, those are the principles! Our pastor teaches them all the time, he doesn’t call them steps…but he teaches them!
Hubby and I recently completed our first step study. It was a small group of amazing friends we have been living this journey with. It was hard. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to quit. I didn’t want to admit my part. It was so much easier when I lived in this world where everything that was bad was because of alcohol. But when we were done, I wished I had done it sooner!
I recently got a sponsor. Of my very own. I think that was my last hold out. My last…no, I’m good…And it feels good. To know that there is someone I can tell absolutely everything to and she won’t judge me. She will call me on my stuff, but with love and only building me up in mind.
So now when I say…I’m with him. It means something different. It means. I’m with him. We’re together. We’re in this thing. I’m not alone.
I’m. With. Him.