Sitting by my purse in Sunday School this weekend was a beautifully wrapped square. I noticed it, but didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to it as I was sitting across the room.
As we were leaving, someone in our class asked if I had my gift. I must have looked confused, but my husband said he had picked it up and put it in my purse. Still confused, I said thank you and we left. Little did I know how inadequate thank you would seem once I opened her gift.
As my husband drove us home, I unwrapped the gift. It was wrapped in soft, shiny, blue fabric and colorful ribbon, so beautiful! I opened it up to find an index card binder with my name written on the front.
On the first card there was a handwritten note to me.
I need to back up and say that the week before, I had shared some feelings of inadequacy I was having with the class…especially about a group I had recently been accepted in to. How when I learned about how “qualified” the other women were, I at once went to my “I’m not good enough” place in my head…wondering how I could bring anything to this amazing team.
Self doubt is a huge issue I struggle with. I pray about it daily and I know, in time, God will help me give those thoughts up, but sometimes I think He’s ready, I’m just not.
I read her words quickly at first, then reread them more slowly, more deliberately. Her gift…her words…her belief in me. Her priceless gift that lifted me when I was unable to lift myself. Her belief in me where I lacked it. I will never be able to repay her for that gift, or thank her enough, or express to her my sincerest gratitude for letting God use her to speak in to my life.
She said…”Never fear! God uses those that are willing and those not equipped – so when His miracles come, men will not say “That person has always been great in that area!” Then, that person might be tempted to take credit for God’s miracles. “…She went on…and at the end, she crossed out “will equip” and wrote “He Has equipped you!”
He. Has. Equipped. Me. Not to be perfect. Not to speak from some higher moral ground. Not to be full of myself or my accomplishments.
He has equipped me to share my story, my struggles, my journey, in the most imperfect way. Because I am the most imperfect person I know.
But God sees my value and worth and loves me with all of my imperfections. And He uses me.