My husband and I were talking last night about a conversation he had with one of our pastors earlier in the week. Among other things, he had asked him how our marriage was. (This is not the same pastor we go to for counseling.)
I was so anxious to hear what he had to say! Until he said it. His exact words “It’s better than it’s ever been!”
So, I’ve really been working on my words…and my “looks” I get on my face. And so I smiled. And said nothing.
While inside, I’m thinking, what are you talking about? Are you in the same marriage I’m in?!?!
But then I stop myself and really hear the words he said. Better than it’s ever been. Well. I guess, technically, that’s a true statement. Our marriage is better than it’s ever been. So, legalistically, he answered truthfully. Or, let’s give him a break here, he just (no qualifications), answered truthfully.
But. Yeah, there’s a but. He didn’t answer how I would have answered. He didn’t qualify his answer. Because, better than it’s ever been is not really an indicator of how it is…is it? Yes, we’re doing really well…but we are still such a work in progress. And, while I know marriage is (by my definition) always a work in progress, we are like, just breaking ground on new construction, in progress.
Was I really expecting him to say, we’re doing good, but we are still working on this issue and that compromise…??? Did I want him to say those things because that’s how I feel? Couldn’t I just be happy with the fact that my husband said we’re better than we’ve ever been?
Because I can tell you by the look on his face, how proud he is of how well we are doing. And we are. We talk to each other. We talk about things that we never would have talked about before. We consider the other person’s feelings before we do something or say something or spend money on something…maybe not 100% of the time, but, like I said, we’re a work in progress and sometimes we (mostly I) revert back in to old habits…but it’s still better.
So I don’t say anything. Because after really thinking about it, my husband knows we aren’t where we need to be yet, not totally. He wasn’t saying what he said because he isn’t still working on making us better. He simply answered a question.
And he shared it with me because he’s proud of how far we’ve come. He didn’t say it to minimize the work we still need to do. Or to gloss over the struggles we still have, every day.
He’s just proud. Of us.