For the past couple of years I have started the January Purge. Started. Sometimes I lasted a week, mostly a couple of days. So I told myself this is the year. I’m going to do it. I have a wonderful accountability partner to do it with and I’m going to get it done!
Then…life happens. I’m gone all day. Then a migraine hits. Knocks me out for a few days.
I’m already behind by…how many days? Why even bother?
Besides being behind, it’s so easy for me to get overwhelmed. Where do I start? What am I going to do with all of this stuff? What if I throw it away/give it away and then I need it next week?
My husband is more of the “Eh, if we need one, we’ll buy another one” mentality. I’m a “Oooo – let’s keep it in case we need it—or in case I get an idea off of Pinterest that I can actually do” person. It makes for interesting living.
So, together, last Saturday, we decluttered the kitchen and cleaned out the fridge. I am not good at this. I am not one of those people who love to clean, seriously not my thing. And the hubby starts throwing away these containers…containers that could have been washed and reused. And because he’s doing it (and possibly because he may have been getting just the tiniest bit cranky), I said nothing, just watched as he threw them away. Fuming a little inside. But I said nothing.
Then, when I went to get something out of the fridge later that night, I noticed how clean and organized it was. And I was thankful. First of all because I didn’t have to do it. But more than that I was thankful that I have a husband who can look at a mess that would overwhelm me and make it in to…well…let’s go with controlled chaos. (Don’t judge me for the drawer full of condiments from Chik Fil A—have you had their honey mustard sauce?)
Controlled chaos…sounds a lot like my life right now. Controlled being a very subjective word, because there are lots of times and days where I feel like my life is completely out of control. I get overwhelmed easily and think it would be so much easier to just give up on everything. I look around and wonder if January Purge will turn in to January 2015 Purge.
Or I start thinking about everything I need to take care of and feel like I don’t even know where to start…so I don’t. I try to rely on my own strength and willpower…and I have none.
I think, if only I could get our finances straight…If only I didn’t have to work I would have time for this…(yeah, the two don’t really go well together do they?) If only we hadn’t done this…If only we still had…
Or I get back in to my green-eyed place. That place in my head where all I can think about is how much easier someone else has it. Or how much more someone else has. I think, if only I was in the same place they are…which is really me saying, if only I wasn’t where I am now…Because this isn’t where I wanted to be at this point in my life.
I’ve noticed lately a lot of people posting comments or picture quotes about how no one except you is responsible for where you are, so stop blaming other people or circumstances…and my insecurity kicks in and I think, wow, they’re talking about me.
I say to myself, they have no idea what I’ve been through. Yes, I’ve made some really bad decisions and they are resulting in some really hard times for our family right now. And I get that they were my decisions, I really do. I don’t blame it on my husband’s drinking anymore. I don’t play the victim anymore. I am not in denial over my part in where we are now.
And I promise you, I am harder on myself than you will ever be.
This chaos that is our life…I think there will be a lot of twists and turns and probably some U-turns over the next couple of years. I don’t imagine the feeling of being overwhelmed will magically disappear…Or that I will suddenly love to clean…or become a financial genius.
But I’m taking on the purge as a way of living. The idea is, get rid of at least one or two things every day that you don’t use/need/wear. Spend 15 minutes cleaning/straightening/decluttering every day.
In other words…make progress.
Don’t spend time with God every morning? Give him 15 minutes today.
Finances out of control? Brown bag it to work and skip Starbucks. Today.
Clutter overtaking your home? 1 or 2 things…15 minutes…
Filling your mind with things that make you feel inadequate? Get rid of them. Be satisfied and content with what you have. Today.
Out with the old, in with the new…Empty yourself of the leftover bad feelings from years of heartache and fill yourself up with love, peace, joy and a giving heart.
January Purge. 2014 is going to be a great year!