Maybe…Almost

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I think…maybe…almost…I would rather not have known what it would be like.

The sobriety.

What an awful thought.

That I…maybe…almost…would give back knowing the real him.

I wonder if it would be easier to not blame myself…if I didn’t know who he is sober.

No. Just. Who he is.

When the alcohol consumes him, I have learned to separate the behavior from him.

I didn’t know that before.

Sometimes I wish I could have that ignorance back. It was easy to be angry at him before I knew.

Anger is easier than this.

Whatever this is.

Consuming.

Overwhelming.

Breaking me. Again.

Breaking me differently. I don’t snap anymore. There’s no shouting or threatening.

I’m quieter. I suppose because the break is deeper this time.

The kind of break when you’ve… almost…resigned yourself to a life of…existing.

Except once you know there’s something different, you never completely give up.

So I hope. Pray. Plead.

Sometimes the hope wins.

But sometimes…

I think…maybe…almost…I would rather not have known what it would be like.

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About angelastricklin

Thanks for stopping by! If you're on FB, follow me: www.facebook.com/lifewithgreeneyes Instagram @angelastricklin Twitter @angelastricklin Pinterest @Angela Stricklin I'm a wife, mom of three girls and one fur baby. By day, I'm an HR manager to pay for all things girly girl and occasional fur baby treats. I add things to my Amazon wish list instead of my cart because my girls cost All. The. Money. Instead of sleeping, you can find me writing about faith, marriage, parenting and my favorite things on Facebook , Twitter , Instagram , and Pinterest.
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2 Responses to Maybe…Almost

  1. Pingback: » Maybe…Almost

  2. Praying for you and your heart as you wait. Praying for more than existence for you, whatever that looks like. I struggle with anxious thoughts, and although different than what you are going through, I know the work it is to think of things being different. Praying.

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