Every time I went out of town I would come home to clothes on my side of the bed.
Sometimes folded. On hangers waiting to be hung. In a basket waiting to be folded. Laying haphazardly in a pile, fresh (or not so fresh) from the dryer.
It became expected. And an annoyance. One more thing waiting for me to take care of as soon as I walked in the door.
He always said…It was too empty at night without you here.
I didn’t understand. My life had become night after night of sleeping alone in hotel rooms.
The first few nights he was in the hospital I barely slept. When I did, our dog, Buddy, took up his side of the bed.
The night before he got out of the hospital and I was supposed to be packing his suitcase for rehab, I laid his clothes out. On his side of the bed.
I wasn’t ready to start packing suitcases yet.
When I came home that afternoon I took some clothes out of the dryer and laid them. On his side of the bed.
The next day after the girls had gone to school and I fell back in bed, exhausted…I put his pillows a little closer to my side. Laid my head on them.
Buddy laid right next to me.
The clothes have been piled up… folded…hung…piled up again.
Buddy sleeps on the floor now…on Rob’s side of the bed…waiting for him to come home.
So many things overwhelm me right now. Walking in to our room is one of them.
I eventually fall asleep on the couch…eventually wake up and decide to go to bed.
It’s been a couple of weeks. I’m pretty sure in a few months we won’t have any clothes in drawers or closets…. they’ll all be on his side of the bed.
I think about him sleeping on a small, twin bed. No room for the bed to be too big…too empty.
I hope that makes it easier for him to sleep…not having that empty space.
Easy. Not too easy. Not so easy he doesn’t miss me. Us. Like I miss him. Us.
So if you come over and see clothes piled up on his side of the bed, it’s not that I’m boycotting laundry.
It’s just. Too empty without him here.
On the other side of the bed.