It’s funny the things you focus on sometimes…
Rob had written that the food at rehab is not awesome.
I took a cake and some goodie bags for Valentine’s Day because obviously 50 grown men in rehab like the same treats that grade school kids do…But it’s what I do…
And it turns out they loved them! The cake, the candy, cheezits, mickey mouse pretzels…all of it. They were received in the way they were given…with love…
So while I’m driving the other day it suddenly occurs to me, take food to them. Today.
I’ve been really trying to listen better lately. To not dismiss the random Go. Do…Thoughts that pop in to my mind.
The ones that say Make 56 treat bags, just like you did when your girls were in school. Take them, with a cake that says “Y’all are loved” and drop them off at rehab.
And ignore the doubts you create in your mind after you spent hours putting them together and just…Go. Do.
The thoughts that say Send this gift anonymously because she needs to know someone cares today.
The small things…the big things…the howcanIaffordtodothis things…
I fail often. I dismiss the whispers…the nudges…God’s whispers…His nudges…
I’m trying to sit quietly more. To listen more.
Like when I was driving and all of a sudden I’m at Wal Mart buying turkeys and mashed potatoes and tubs of butter and ten dozen eggs and brownies and milk and pancake mix and syrup and hot chocolate with marshmallows and…you get the idea…
And as I’m checking out and see the total and wonder what on earth I’m doing spending this money, the doubt fires up inside me again. I push it down.
If this was God’s voice whispering to me, He will take care of our needs. If it wasn’t…and I stop. It was. It is.
So I drive the short distance from the store and pull up to their kitchen…and a gallon of milk falls and busts open as I open the trunk.
And I laugh…because…spilled milk…
Guys come out to carry everything in and I tell them who I am and one of them says, Let me go find Robert.
And I start to argue with him…No, that’s not why I brought this, I just…brought it…
He goes anyway and all of a sudden, there he is.
And I Can. Not. Even.
I know it’s only been a month but it’s felt like forever. And he’s there, hugging me, kissing me, holding my hand.
And the same guy who went to get him brings him a cup of milk and Rob says Is this real milk?
And he drinks it and tells me how good it is and I’m standing there thinking about everything I take for granted and how grateful he is for real milk.
I know rehab is not supposed to be a glamorous place you go to hang out, drink lemonade and work on your tan. Unless you go to Passages by Malibu or whatever that place is and last I looked we didn’t win the lottery.
And we stand there and I didn’t have the words. I was so thankful to see him standing there. Healthy. Happy. Sober. Still loving me…because that has been my biggest fear ever since he left a month ago…that he would stop loving me. It’s an awful fear. A huge fear. Sometimes a debilitating fear. Thankfully an unfounded fear.
Then this same guy tells him You don’t belong here. Why on earth are you here? You have a wife and….
And Rob stops him…I’ve already tensed up though…Don’t say that to him. He needs to be here. His family needs him to be here. We need him to work through everything and come back to us. I need this to work this time. Please don’t say that to him.
And then Rob says I do need to be here. I’ was a professional drinker. I’m an alcoholic and I need to be here.
And when this guy tells him he’s the nicest guy there, nothing like the other guys… Rob stops him again.
I am a nice guy. But when I’m drinking I’m not. I’m mean. And I hurt the people I love.
And he reaches out and grabs my hand and pulls me to him.
And I feel possibly more loved by him than I have in such a long time.
Then I had to go because we aren’t supposed to have a visit for another month…but they’re out of coffee…and tea…and could I possibly run back to the store and get that?
So I go and buy dark roast coffee because that’s what Rob likes and do I really care if the other guys like medium or classic? Uh. No. But then I buy another can of regular because obviously I do… And I buy the gallon bag iced tea that they very specifically asked for and I take it back and Rob’s still there and I still see him and he’s still healthy and probably a little healthier because he got to drink real milk and he hugged me and introduced me to his roommate who is not at all scary looking – I know, but these are the things I worry about – and I had to say Goodbye and I miss you and I love you and please call me tonight because I miss you so much…
And as I drove back to my hotel all I could think was how thankful I was that I listened. When God said Go. Do.
I went. I did.
And the blessing I was given in return was worth all the turkeys and mashed potatoes and tubs of butter and ten dozen eggs and brownies and milk and pancake mix and syrup and hot chocolate with marshmallows and…well…you know what I mean…
And I know…this picture has nothing to do with this post except it’s of Rob and he’s so handsome and it’s his “biggest fish” picture from this summer and that just makes it awesome..
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