I discovered Facebook in June of 2009. I know. I am an early adopter. After fighting it for years, my then 13 year old needed it to keep up with youth activities at church, so I needed it too.
I spent a few months hours telling people I was on Facebook and how cool is it that I can tell you Every. Single. Thing. I. Am. Doing. Because I know you wanted to know.
I became the queen of vaguebooking before I even knew it was a thing. I posted whatever randomness popped in to my head and then wondered why people wanted to know more. Sorry, but my introverted-self wanted Facebook to be a one way conversation with the entire 92 people who were my Facebook friends…you have to can read everything I’m putting out there but please don’t expect any back and forth. My first 472 few posts may possibly have read like my personal diary…only with less detail and more vagueness…It’s not like the details behind my “I knew it would end but I didn’t think it would end this soon” post were a single person’s business.
It’s my Facebook page and I can write it if I want to!
Also, I became ruler of the “referring to myself in the third person” world. Angela “is headed to work.” Angela “is so over laundry.” Angela “is obviously so impressed with herself that she refers to herself in the third person and needs to go back to English and History class and realize she is not the Queen of England.”
6 years later Eventually I moved on, realized Facebook is not my personal diary and also that vaguebooking is annoying and if that’s your deal, excuse me while I hide you (not unfriend, because sometimes I need to stalk you and see if you’ve added any details I need to know about) and secretly text our mutual friend to see if she knows what you’re talking about.
Again, I was a super early adopter and downloaded the app sometime in 2014. (I know, it’s like the app store should pay me for getting on this stuff so quickly!) After seeing everyone’s cute Timehop posts I needed to see mine too.
It started with the cute pictures from 5 years ago…vacation pics…Timehop gave me the best #throwbackthursday – #transformationtuesday – and my now favorite – #waybackwednesday …It was true love and I never wanted it to end.
Once the Then and Now feature was added, I thought my life was complete. All of the adorable pictures of my beautiful family that I never printed (because who even prints pictures anymore) would randomly appear on my Timehop app, just waiting for me to create a Then and Now collage or a sweet Miss This! or Thumbs Up memory or Never Forget sentimental post…The options seemed to never end!
Then, seemingly without warning, you turned on me. All of a sudden, these crazy, vaguebook posts that said words I would never actually post on Facebook started creeping in… Look, I love the pictures, even the ones I can’t believe I put out there for my now 974 (who knows, it’s a number) closest Facebook friends in the world to see if they somehow decide to go back and stalk me to my “Angela was born” post. (P.S. Have you tried that? To get back to a new friend’s original, first ever post on Facebook after they’ve been on Facebook for more than three years? #timesucker) But I did not sign up for all the Timehop #tbt posts that are just words and OMG I did NOT say that on Facebook for the whole world to see!
I deleted you thought really long and hard about just deleting you, dear, once beloved Timehop. I held my finger down on your once shiny app icon long enough for the little “x” to appear in your corner…
Then my phone rang and by the time I hung up I had forgotten what I was doing I decided to give you one more chance and see what tomorrow’s Timehop had for me.
And you redeemed yourself by giving me back the 137 pictures I had taken at the beach last year and weren’t we so happy and how could I ever think about deleting an app that was the only easiest way to go back and look at all the pictures from the past 6 years. All was right with the world again…
I love you Timehop…but please stick to pictures…I’d hate to break up with you over your insistence on reliving some Facebook post that was obviously done by a hacker. Because who even really needs to know that Angela “is going to bed…finally…”