First 5…31 Days…A Glimpse Into Our Everyday Life…Day 7

I am full of good intentions. They fill my brain to the brim.

I am also awesome at follow through, except not.

I started doing the “read the bible in a year” in January. By April I was still on the books/chapters from March. By July I was not even to May yet.

I’m consistently slow.

Then I was reading the book of Proverbs…A Proverbs A Day with my husband.

Two weeks later, I was jumping around, choosing my reading by blogs I would read, like this post from Servant’s Life which prompted me to hang out in Ephesians for a few days.

So I have to admit, I’m a little proud of myself for finally sticking with a “schedule”…

When the First 5 app finally came out I downloaded it and have stuck with it for however long it’s been out…I am also awesome at timelines…

It’s such a great way to start your day…except for the mornings it punches me in the face with its crazy truth…

The first thing you see in the app is a picture you can save and post on social media…

God wants to use the painful places in our lives as a gateway into His presence.” (First5.org)

First5.org

This year has been full of pain, disappointment, heartache…and I have dug into His word with more voracity than ever before…hungry for more daily.

This morning’s verse was Genesis 28:16 “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.”

I have gone through the anger, wondering where God was…why He would let this happen…again…when was He going to rescue me…Constantly fighting His presence until finally I had no strength left to fight and suddenly I found that He was with me…while I was unaware…

Then there’s a short (5 minute-ish) study on the verse…

“I imagine his heart was full of disgrace, loneliness and fear.”

There are only so many times you can tell people your husband relapsed. The first time people understand and are supportive. The second time, most of them will hang with you. After that, any grace most people have given in the past is gone. How many times can you tell your daughters teachers her dad is in rehab before they blame you?

This place Rob’s in now…it’s a 14 month program. 14 months…It is too long…and possibly not long enough…It’s lonely…not many people will rally around you the 3rd….4th…5th time…where you see hope, they only see a pattern of relapse after relapse.

Fear…I could write a book. Fear that I’m not handling things at home well enough…Fear of what this is doing to the girls…Fear that we will be too different when he finally comes home…

Fear that this won’t be the last time…

His past was a mess and his future uncertain.”

Our past is a mess…while I have hope for the future, I also know how uncertain life with a recovering alcoholic is…

“Completely alone and fearful…”

I hide at home…politely declining invitations because feeling lonely while being alone is so much easier than feeling lonely in a crowd…

Haven’t we all been there? Aren’t some of us there right now?

God is with you. You may be unaware, but He is there!”

Every morning, there is hope. Every moment I spend taking that deep breath, closing my eyes for just a moment, I feel His strength bringing me through one more challenge. Each time I think I can’t handle anything else, He reminds me He is not only with me, but He is using this time to bring me in to closer relationship with Him.

There are painful places we find ourselves in…sometimes momentarily, sometimes for 14 months…

But even…especially…in those moments, God is with us, holding us, keeping us, fighting for us…even when we’re unaware.

genesis 28:16

Check out the First 5 app and start your day right!

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Have you joined in on the 31 Day photo challenges on Instagram?

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About angelastricklin

Thanks for stopping by! If you're on FB, follow me: www.facebook.com/lifewithgreeneyes Instagram @angelastricklin Twitter @angelastricklin Pinterest @Angela Stricklin I'm a wife, mom of three girls and one fur baby. By day, I'm an HR manager to pay for all things girly girl and occasional fur baby treats. I add things to my Amazon wish list instead of my cart because my girls cost All. The. Money. Instead of sleeping, you can find me writing about faith, marriage, parenting and my favorite things on Facebook , Twitter , Instagram , and Pinterest.
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10 Responses to First 5…31 Days…A Glimpse Into Our Everyday Life…Day 7

  1. Pingback: » First 5…31 Days…A Glimpse Into Our Everyday Life…Day 7

  2. Anita Fonte says:

    Wow. Is a simple word to describe this post. It is true that once people relapse over and over again the support feels like it is gone. Some might say why do you stay. I always wish that a person who likes to judge without being in your shoes cannot fathom the why’s. Write that book if you want. It will inspire many if you chose. I will definitely look into the First 5 App

  3. Plaidfuzz says:

    I need to re-download the First 5 app. I have been doing She Reads Truth, but we just started Dave Ramsey and I don’t want to pay for it lol. I have so much respect for the journey you have walked. I loved what you said about how support starts to drop off after relapses. It reminds me of Haggai when God commanded him to marry a prostitute who was unfaithful time and time again. That’s how God loves us, and what an amazing act of faithfulness for you to love your husband in the same way. (Not that he is a prostitute lol).

  4. Found you from #After My Coffee. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Lori says:

    Angela, Every time I visit I am so encouraged by you, thank you! Thank you for linking up with Thankful Thursdays.

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