That’s Not Yours

For a while when Savannah was little, her most used word was “mine”. Being the youngest of three girls, she became the proud owner of lots of hand-me-downs. She was constantly reminding Alex that things that used to be hers were now “mine!” and it mattered zero that Alex had loved that Dora dress and had worn it until it was a Dora shirt…it had been passed down and was now “mine!”…

A few years ago, when this blog was born, God placed a verse on my heart. It was a hard time, dealing with yet another of Rob’s relapses and I was tired. I couldn’t understand why I had to deal with this again.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work in you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6 NLT

Phil 16

A gentle reminder, laid on my heart, that He will not leave me…He is continually working on me…I am not a finished product…my current circumstances do not define my life…

A year or so later, I was reading a book about a couple with a similar story to mine and Rob’s…Their verse immediately caught my attention…

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten…” Joel 2:25

THIS…This is my verse…After all, how many years of my life…my marriage…have been eaten away by locusts…THIS is God’s promise to me. This is mine. This is ours.

I decided what God’s plan for my life and my marriage was and it mattered not that I had to quiet God’s voice by shouting over Him…

Gods voice

Rob was sober by now after all…These were going to be the best years of our lives…We deserved good years to make up for all of the bad. God wanted that for us…

Then, he relapsed again. And I was so angry. Still holding on to “my” verse though…I just needed Rob to stop drinking again and get back to those good years…this was just a speed bump in the road…not even a detour…

So he quit drinking again…and I was ready. Waiting. Excited to see all of the good things. Because surely God was going to make up double for all of these relapses.

I could go back and recount the relapses/sober times…how many…how frequent…how long lasting…

I have gone back and recounted…

Wondering when the locusts would stop eating away all of the years of my marriage.

Until a few weeks ago.

I knew…although I didn’t hear it audibly…but it was a knowing that God wanted me to go back to the verse He gave me…to go back to His plan…to give up all of the “mine” I had let overtake my life.

(I didn’t know how to explain this until I started reading “Coming Clean” by Seth Haines a few nights ago…He says “It is less of a hearing, more of a knowing.” That is exactly how I feel about God’s voice, His words to me…I just never knew how to put it in to words…)

I started reading His verse for me…over and over…

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 NIV

Being confident of this…

 

I wanted to be repaid for the years the locusts had taken from us…

I wanted God to heal Rob. To take away this need he has to drink. I wanted a guarantee that there will be no more relapses. I wanted to find safety in Rob’s sobriety. I wanted this to be the last time…sometimes I wanted it to be the last time so much that I started wondering…if it isn’t…if this keeps happening…how many times do I have to stay? When is it okay to say, this is it…I’ve fought the good fight and I cannot do it One. More. Time.

“There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the day Christ Jesus appears.” Philippians 1:6 MSG

There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind…

God promised me He would keep working in me and on me…He would never stop…He would never give up on me…I will never be a lost cause for Him…Never too far gone for Him to find me worthy. He will keep at it…No matter how long it takes…no matter how many times I mess up…no matter how many times I doubt His plan…

I know that there is a possibility that this may not be the last time. That Rob may have spent the last year away from us only to relapse again in a year…or 10 years…

I also know that sometimes your husband is your mission field. Sometimes God doesn’t call you to Africa…sometimes He calls you to stay. In your home. In your marriage. When staying is harder than leaving. This calling is no less worthy, no less sacrificial.

Calling

So my hope doesn’t lie in Rob staying sober. My commitment to him doesn’t depend on him not relapsing. Because more than this being my verse, this is our marriage’s verse. This is God’s promise to us.

Yes…it is less of a hearing and more of a knowing…God is working on both of us…and He will keep working on both of us…and even if it takes until the day Christ Jesus returns, He will not give up on us.

And neither will I…

I’m linking up over at A Kreative Whim

 

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About angelastricklin

Thanks for stopping by! If you're on FB, follow me: www.facebook.com/lifewithgreeneyes Instagram @angelastricklin Twitter @angelastricklin Pinterest @Angela Stricklin I'm a wife, mom of three girls and one fur baby. By day, I'm an HR manager to pay for all things girly girl and occasional fur baby treats. I add things to my Amazon wish list instead of my cart because my girls cost All. The. Money. Instead of sleeping, you can find me writing about faith, marriage, parenting and my favorite things on Facebook , Twitter , Instagram , and Pinterest.
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8 Responses to That’s Not Yours

  1. Plaidfuzz says:

    This post takes my breath away …”Sometimes God doesn’t call you to Africa…sometimes He calls you to stay.” I so needed to read this.

    • Thanks friend! And thank you for the book recommendation! I’m not even done with it and I’m
      Ready to start it over again. It’s going to take a lot of processing but. It is just so much truth!!!

  2. Because... I'm cheap says:

    The faith you have in your marriage has grown into something beautiful and admirable 🙂 Thank you for sharing on the #SundayBlogHop 🙂

  3. elizabethfstewart says:

    Sometimes marriage is our mission field. Good word.

  4. Dawn Boyer says:

    First of all, sister… you are amazing. I needed to read this because although we don’t walk the same path, the heart-core of the need to get out of cyclical emotions is very much the same. Joel 2:25 has been a life affirming verse here, too, and I have been reminding the Lord that He had given it to me years ago. 🙂 And the truth of our mission field.. oh, my goodness… Amen!

    Praying you are strengthened in this mission He has given you to serve in faith. Praying for healing and hope and grace to carry you through the day. Praying that you will get a glimpse and that your love will have Jesus today, enough to take the next step and praise Him in the process.

    I am inspired by your faith and testimony today.
    Blessings,
    Dawn

  5. Lori @ Frog's Lilypad says:

    Angela, oh my goodness! Not giving up because God is not giving up – I love this attitude and determination. I hop you all have a wonderful Christmas. Thank you for sharing with Thankful Thursdays.

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